You're not a bad mom. You just need some self-care.
Whenever I find myself nagging, short on patience and even yelling, it's usually because I have been ignoring my self-care. I become more susceptible to stress and allow feelings of frustration, resentment and overwhelm take control of my actions. I show up undignified, which causes me to feel shame and disappointment. It's a super unproductive result, which is ironic because when I skip my self-care, I think it will save me time. But I actually end up wasting time because now, I have to clean up the internal mess I made for myself and apologize to my family. That's why I've made it a point to check on my self-care practice regularly. Now, self-care looks different for every mom. For me, this looks like:
going to spin class
sleeping by 11pm
getting my weekly croissant and latte
getting my monthly facial
meeting a friend to catch up
writing my blog post
my morning meditation and journaling
doing yoga
taking my supplements
my daily walks
reading my bible
eating a nutritious and delicious meal
watching the new episode of my favorite show
attending my weekly wives and girlfriend's group
talking to my therapist
enjoying a croissant and latte at the neighborhood café
Everything on this list help fill my cup, allowing me to have the energy and capacity that I need to show up as my best self for my family, clients, and community.
But you might say, when do I have the time?
We all have pockets of time throughout the day. You know, that time that some of use to scroll on social media? Why not journal instead? That gap of time between your meetings - why not do a 10 minute yoga sequence? When you're waiting for that load of laundry to finish - do a 5 minute meditation. Also, take a look at the activities you're already doing that you can actually do more mindfully and count that as self care. An example is walking your kids to school - yea, that counts as exercise. You don't need to go to a 60 minute spin class, spend a day at the spa, have a weekend solo getaway, or have 2-hour morning rituals to practice self-care. The little actions throughout the day count too and they build up overtime. In fact, it's far more realistic, accessible and sustainable to approach self-care this way, especially for a working moms like us.
To start incorporating self-care consistently and sustainably into your life, I suggest that you come up with your own self-care list. Work on doing at least 1 thing from that list everyday. Refer to your self-care list when you're feeling like you're running on Empty and need to fill your tank. Finally, let go of the idea of what self-care is supposed to look like because honestly, that image is likely just a bunch of nonsense fed to you by social media, movies, and magazines.
I hope this helps. Remember, it's not your husband's job or kid's job to take care of you. It's up to you to uncover what you need and to make time to take care of yourself.
